The Rules Aren't Real

Like many of us, I grew up in an environment that prioritized The Rules. 
 
Good people. Smart people. Respected people. Worthy people... all followed The Rules. (That's one of the rules by the way)
 
For years I collected etiquette books because I believed that if I just followed the rules then everything would be fine. 
 
But it wasn't just the rules of manners that I was taking on. I'd internalized rules from people around me. 
 
Rules like:

• Women don't make "real" money, that's why you need a husband.

• Nice girls don't show off their intelligence.

• Make everyone around you happy and you'll be loved.

• You'll never be successful or respected if you're fat.

• You should want to get married and have children.

• No one makes money with their art.

• If you don't have the big house and fancy stuff, you're a failure.

• Everyone's always looking at you, so be perfect.

• You have to work harder than anyone else to prove yourself.

Any of these sounding familiar?  
 
Here's the problem with ALL those rules and the MANY others we all buy into. 
 
We believe that they are an instruction manual and that if we just follow them... everything will be ok. 
 
We will be loved and successful and happy. 
 
BUT, there is a terrible truth about The Rules. 
 
Someone just made them up. 
 
They aren't real. 
 
Worse still, we've taken all these made-up (and often ridiculous) rules and we base our entire sense of value on them.
 
And because we're always looking outwards to other people's rule book, we only know how to value ourselves based on other people's opinions.
 
We never learn how to value ourselves based on what WE believe is truly important.
 
We accept our sense of value from other people. 
 
WE BASE OUR SENSE OF SELF-WORTH ON SOMEONE ELSE'S MADE-UP NONSENSE RULES. 
 
And what this results in is a whole bunch of smart, capable women with big dreams who feel trapped by their lives and just can’t seem to get their shit together.  
 
Because we’re wasting so much of our precious time and energy trying to do all the “right” things. Ticking all the boxes and fulfilling all the expectations. 

Making everyone ELSE happy.
 
And its time we stopped playing by those garbage rules. 


Tarryne
xox