Bite sized Mindset Shake Up...

It's never about the logistics.

For the most part you know what you need to do to get where you want to go. You could probably even break it down into actionable steps. So why do so many people not take action or spin their wheels instead of making progress?

Because what we often think of a as being an issue of logistics (I don't have time, I don't have website, I don't know how to do...) is a cover up.

A perfectly legitimate reason your clever brain has decided on to explain your unwillingness to act.

But if you put the logistics aside (because you're smart, you can figure it out or hire someone who can) just below the surface you'll discover that you don't want to do that thing.

Counter intuitive I know, but you don't want to do it, or you would have it already.

Once you figure out why you don't want to take action you'll be able to move past that reason (99% of the time it's fear or it not being in line with your values that causes the issue)

Start by separating it out... Be honest with yourself. What is genuine logistics, and what is mindset?

Tarryne West
A real live fake.

I've always believed that even if I don't actually have all the qualifications or experience a job needs, I can learn them... on the job! It's a mindset that has literally landed me every job I've ever had.

But it had a downside as I often felt like a total fraud, frantically working my butt off to learn as fast as I could, all the while feeling like any moment now someone was going to realize that I was figuring it all out as I went.

I was so afraid that I would get fired or called out because I wasn't an expert and didn't always believe that my hard work and abilities were going to be good enough.

To be an entrepreneur that mindset is absolutely essential because everything we do is new in a sense, and often we don't even know what skills or experience we are going to need until we are already in it. Add to that the fact that most women question their abilities and talents anyway, harboring secret thoughts that they don't know what the hell they are doing and suddenly we have a whole group of otherwise brilliant women feeling like imposters.

While imposter syndrome is essentially the inability to really recognize our own achievements, I think there's more to it.

I think that it's a big part of the "rules trap" and it affects entrepreneurs doubly hard. We're all supposed to be experts and marketing, sales, SEO, doing videos and editing, creating dazzling content.... oh yes and then actually doing the work that we're selling. And if you don't have some kind of formal qualification then you're never going to be taken seriously right?

If you take even the smallest peak into what we're exposed to every day, particularly online, it's a steady stream of people telling you that "THIS is the way to set up sales funnels". People are selling the "5 top things you MUST have to be successful" and my personal favorite, the

"ONE THING YOU'RE DOING WRONG THATS KILLING YOUR BUSINESS FOREVER!"

When you've been lead to believe that there is a formula for success and that if you don't fit that model exactly then you're dooooomed, of course you're going to feel like an imposter. You're not doing this the way people expect you to do them. Therefore you must be wrong.

It's ironic that women who are breaking out of the traditional models of business and success are in many ways still so chained to them. 

In a world that is changing so incredibly fast around us, and the paradigms of what success is and how you can achieve it evolving constantly, why are we still allowing the rules to decide who we can and can't be?

I've had the privilege of spending time recently with some amazing entrepreneurs and despite the diversity of their businesses and levels of experience, the all have that in common.
but I want to challenge the way we think about feeling like an imposter. And I very much want to challenge the idea of faking it till you "make it" because for me that is the absolute worst way to resolve it!

I feel like a fake, so I'm going fake my ass off until I stop feeling like a fake..... anyone else think that's helpful? I don't!

Because all that happens is that you eventually convince yourself that the fake version IS you, but no matter how good a fake you become, inside you always know and it will always come back to sabotage you somewhere.

What if we started to explore how we feel about ourselves and our businesses and spend the time to investigate where those rules that we try to keep to come from? Instead of feeling like we have no idea what we're doing, what if we acknowledged that we don't yet know everything, that we haven't yet mastered every skill we think we need?

Instead of panicking because someone on the internet says that there is only one way (their way inevitably) to be a successful entrepreneur and person, we need to start being honest about who we are, what we want and what we are willing to do to get it. And that deep down, we know how to do it, we just aren't used to trusting ourselves and our own judgment.

We aren't trusting ourselves to decide our own way.

Let's start being real about this. Honest about why we feel like imposters... because we are trying to do so many things that we don't actually feel are the right way for us.

Tarryne West
Stop trying to label yourself. You are not a cookie jar.

You know those little tests that say "describe yourself in three words" "What one word would your friends use to describe you.....?"

Those things SUCK! Everyone secretly hates them but can never really articulate why, or why it's so hard to decide on those three words. Well, I hate them too...

Because THEY MAKE YOU SMALLER.

Every single day in thousands of tiny ways we are asked to label ourselves. To put ourselves in a demographic and define who we are by someone else's standards.

It has to stop! There is nothing to be gained from forcing yourself to fit into a bunch of little boxes that then somehow tell you who you are.  Just because you're creative, doesn't mean you can't be organized too. If you adore dogs, why can't you enjoy the company of cats too?  If you like dramatic makeup, why shouldn't you be allowed to enjoy going bare faced as well?

Seriously though, generalizations just kill me. We're people, not demographics!

This whole "pick a side" thing that means you have to be one thing or another, very specific, and follow all the "rules" of what being that thing means is also crazy. Why do you have to shove yourself into a box?

Have you ever considered that maybe the fact that you're interested in so many things is actually GREAT?! That it shows curiosity, an intrepid and explorational spirit?

The fact that you still can't figure out what you're going to do when you grow up... at 35, is because you are capable of so much that settling for just one thing seems well, like settling.  Sticking ourselves in specific little boxes based on stuff we do is something that serves only one purpose, to make you easier to sell to.  Labels are for other people.

You are so much more than a bunch of labels.

YOU are not a machine with a single purpose in life. You are human! With a wild spirit, a poetic soul and a desire to LIVE. Don't squash yourself by putting labels on and narrowing down who you're allowed to be.

What a potential plane crash taught me about my money fears

A couple of weeks ago I was on a scary flight home from New York. There was massive turbulence, strong enough that several people actually screamed, electrical issues, the engines were making really alarming noises and the woman sitting across from me was completely convinced that we were going to crash and was crying almost the whole way. I was pretty convinced too for a while, but I sat quietly in my seat with barely a flicker of anxiety or even that nervous feeling in my stomach. I was pretty serene considering the fact that I was sitting there thinking about what It might be like to die.

I'm not trying to make light of the situation either, I honestly felt a moment of sadness that this may well be the end of me, but the reality is that in that situation, fear and panic is actually useless because I'm sitting in a giant steel tube several thousand feet above ground. If we go down there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it.

There is nothing I can do that will save me.

So why worry.

But I did start to think quite seriously about fear and was really stunned to realize that all of the fears that I do have are actually really small in comparison to death. My greatest fear is being broke.

Are you laughing yet? Probably not, because its by no means a unique fear. I bet you're a little concerned about that too!

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Seriously though, think about the fact that I am more afraid of being broke that I am of dying in a horrible fiery plane crash.  Then think about where that comes from.

We are constantly told that our financial standing is the measure of our worth. We are also constantly told that there is not enough to go around. That making money is hard work. That there's always someone around the corner waiting to take advantage of us. That we will lose everything. That any moment now the economy is going to crash and it will be horrible.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much time Ive wasted plotting and planning my bill payments in the past. Measuring to the cent what I can and cant spend and where. And you know what its gotten me? A lack of sleep and constant low level anxiety. The fear has not in any way improved my financial situation. Its not helped me use my money smarter. Its not prevented me from having debt.

So I'm sitting in this plane seat being bounced around by turbulence, having decided that I'm ok with this being my last day... and I started really exploring my fear; and it went something like this.

So what would happen if I ran out of money? I would have to borrow money and Id be in debt. Well, you already have debt, so what... Well what if I didn't have a job and couldn't make payments?! (this is me panicking...) Well you could always get a job, you know that right... But if I couldn't then Id have people calling me up telling me I have to make payments. (more panic) So what, you explain the situation and you do what you can to pay them. But if I cant then they will come and take away all my stuff. Wow. so you're worried about losing some stuff. really?  You know that no one will stop you buying more stuff right? And since when is stuff important to you?

BINGO

When I was little a family member found himself in this situation, and people came and repossessed everything he had. Now of course this was a shitty situation, but guess what. He kept going. He didn't fall apart, he didn't die, nobody dragged him away to debtors jail or anything awful. He is still very much alive actually and I clearly have far too active an imagination. And my fear is based on how I felt about a situation happening to someone else when I was a 7 year old.

How I felt then is not and will never be my reality now.

Even if I DID lose everything, I would react and respond totally differently.

So why does the fear still linger? Why am I still approaching that fear as though I am 7 years old?

Simply, because I let it. Because I never stopped to think about why, and because we often make decisions based on the fear of a situation that is not our reality.

Funny when you look at it like that isn't it!

All fear, is based on beliefs, and when you explore why those beliefs are in place and challenge them, they tend to dissolve.

So take a step back and focus on exploration towards being fearless. Or rather, to fear less.

Don't feed your fear, challenge your fear.

And being broke is definitely not as bad as being in a plane crash!

Integrity, a key ingredient to holistic success.

I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity recently, and about how it is so much more integral to our lives than we realize. When I was younger, the idea of integrity was just about honesty, about doing the right thing no matter what. The whole “do the right thing even when no one is looking”

But recently I started to focus on the other meaning of integrity. A friend of mine was talking about a building and used the phrase “structural integrity” which lead me to start thinking about how having integrity meant being “intact” with no cracks or weak spots. Something that only happens when a building is well built, and then well maintained.

Integrity – The state of being whole and undivided.

Isn’t that a wonderful way to think about oneself? Can you say that you feel whole and undivided?

I can’t!

But that concept has spurred me to start really considering the aspects of my life and work where I am NOT whole and undivided.

I started to apply that thought to something I started last week, where I’ve been unsubscribing from the (literally) hundreds of email newsletters that I get daily, keeping only the very small handful that I find really useful or inspiring.

With each unsubscribe I feel like I breathe a little easier and feel a little less confused, because each of those newsletters feeds a fear that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I have to copy someone else’s marketing/sales/development/social media strategy in order to be successful.

And it occurred to me just how much time I spend reading books and blogs and doing webinars and courses…. And being disappointed with each of them. Not because they aren’t good. Some of them are brilliant, but often they prey on the fear that without them I’m a lost cause, that I don’t know what I’m doing. Not one of them supports my value system, my grounding belief.

I have all the inner resources I need to be happy and successful.

In short, relying so heavily on these things is at odds with my integrity.

They also massively divide my attention and energy, which is really a detriment no matter how you look at it.

That divided attention thing is huge too. I’m an extrovert and I love being around people, but being an extrovert, I also tend towards people pleasing. Something that most of us, particularly women, are taught to do at an early age.

Make time for everyone. Give all of yourself. Just say yes and keep everyone else happy.

Um, no.

Someone recently gave me hell on my Facebook page over a quote that I posted which basically said “cut out negative people”. And I got the whole speech of how I was cold and mean and negative people need love too etc. etc.

And yes they do. I have a huge amount of sympathy and empathy for people who are trapped in a negative mindset, but I do not have to compromise my integrity, my wholeness, to try “fix them” or become embroiled in it.

The same is true of projects, clients, events, everything that isn’t in some way supportive of your wholeness and your focus. If it’s not the right fit, aligned with your inner integrity and purpose and you’re taking things on out of a fear or need to keep adding to your list of “stuff” you’re going to find yourself exhausted by it, drained and compromised.

Divided.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past spinning my wheels over opportunities and a to do list that’s jam packed with things I’ve come to believe I’m “supposed” to do, but that are really really really not things I actually even want or feel compelled towards.

And I’ve come to believe that integrity demands that I cut those things loose. They are not for me. I don’t actually want them and more importantly, they are keeping me from having the time to do the things that DO keep me whole and undivided.

So as a result, I’ve unsubscribed from a million emails, I’ve left several Facebook groups and unliked a whole host of pages and Instagram accounts. I’ve stopped sending out my own newsletter. I’ve stopped attending every event that I’m invited to. I’ve stopped feeling obliged to “catch up” with people if it drains me to spend time with them. I’m handing over the reins of a group that I run. And most important of all…

I’ve stopped thinking constantly about what I need to do to ensure my success. I’ve completely let it go.

Because at the end of the day, that isn’t what drives me. It’s not what gets me excited.

I’ve chosen to focus on what makes my life feel inspired and whole. What for me, supports my integrity.

The disneyfication of spirituality, coaching and entrepreneurship

When I started my first blog, Change One Woman, it was (like a lot of what I do) a reaction to being unable to find what I wanted. What I had been searching for was personal development courses, workshops or classes to help me figure out what the hell I was doing with myself and where to go from there.

I found nothing.

Well, not nothing exactly. My only options back then were seminars on being a domestic abuse survivor, self-defense, becoming more aggressive in a corporate environment or discovering my inner goddess. None of which were what I wanted or needed. I remember thinking

“Is THAT IT?! These are my options?!”

Although I did end up doing the self-defense Krav maga workshop for fun…

But it annoyed me for a number of reasons, the first being that it was so limited. For someone who believes that they are capable of doing anything if they have access to tools and training I was disappointed that there were such narrow options. But also because, as so often happens, each of the options was so unbelievably stereotypical!

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I’ve never liked boxes and labels, especially when it comes to people.

But I started my blog, it grew. I started coaching. It grew too. I did workshops. They grew too. It was all going rather well… and then somehow the internet got in the way of my simple and surprisingly easy success.

When I moved to the USA I was stunned at how sleek and shiny the marketing was for the many many coaches that operate here. And at first I LOVED it. The diversity is incredible and it was so gratifying to see how quickly the industry that I adore was growing.

And then the Disneyfication started. (I don’t actually know if that’s a world, but I love it and it should be)

Seriously though, I’m waiting for the musical movie of “Fabulicious Sarah and the overnight success following the uncovering of her money blocks”. Or “The magical tale of Annabelle the bizbabe and the 6 figure coaching business” or my absolute favorite “Miranda the Fabpreneur, biz coach, spiritual revolutionist, green smoothie rebel junkie, mother of a super baby with magic powers, stylista *insert more overused words that are super catchy but don’t exist* ” I’m just kidding, that one makes me want to gag.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.  - and to prevent me from getting sued.

All of these women are AMAZING and DO run incredible businesses so don’t think I’m knocking their success at all. But I'm frustrated that this is seen as the best and often only way to make this being a self employed coach thing work.

What frustrates me is the rush to copy the Disneyfication of the coaching and entrepreneurial spirit. The sudden assumption that to be a business woman means also being a part the fluff and flutter of the sexy and cute. Its understandable, but it often comes across as forced and lacking in authenticity. And I sometimes feel like we are dumbing down the real and unbelievably powerful impact that we make with our work.

Part of the problem is that it IS difficult to market what we do. How do we easily explain to people that we help change lives without resorting to finding something catchy that sticks with people. It’s in many ways a marketing Mexican standoff.

But I think it can be done without getting all FAAAABULOUS on each other.

Call me old fashioned, but when someone starts off a sales call or a pitch by calling me Babe, fabulosa, femprener, biz babe, girl boss (though I love the book) or any variation of a professional title that gets dipped in glitter and given a tiara, I immediately sigh and click “hide”. Or sometimes I think “you don’t know me guuuurl”, and then move on…. after checking out their Instagram to see their cute shoes though. Because yes, I am a woman and I have needs. I can be as girly and sparkly as the next lady boss. And I love sharing my day on Instagram and pulling the occasional fish lips selfie. But when it comes to taking what I do and what’s between my ears seriously, the marketing is not the THING.

As I would say to my clients. Who would you be if we took away the clothes you wear and the image that you project? Does it change you, your talents, your passion?

My point is that I think as women in the coaching industry, we are still fighting to create that image that says we can do and be it all, while still being super cute, well dressed and girly. It’s all about the marketing.

The packaging is becoming more important than the product and the people.

As I’m a part of the industry, I tend to see a lot more of the coach to coach selling that goes on, and I think its partially responsible for the fear based “must do and be all the things” trend that I not only see everywhere, but have felt myself. Just this morning I was talking to a lovely coach about getting lost in the industry noise and what we’ve dubbed “imminent failure nichitus” (thanks Tanya!)

Which is basically the relentless scream from countless industry experts with rags to riches stories, telling us in floods of social media and emails that unless we do things in a certain way with our niches and checklists and periscopes and professional photoshoots…. Doom will be upon us.

Yes

DOOM.

Doom.

The niche is nigh
The niche is nigh

One of the things that I love most about what I do, is that I don’t tell people WHAT to do. Granted I’m not a business coach, but I am a coach who believes that the best way to create success, is to help create a successful person. Someone who is successfully being THEMSELVES. Not a Disneyfied biz babe version of themselves (unless of course that is truly who they are and it makes them squeal with happiness).

So for my own sanity, I’m checking out of the constant and over flowing marketing, the cannibalization of our industry where we coach the coach who coaches on coaching. I’m unsubscribing from a hundreds of emails that I signed up to for inspiration that have ended up strangling my own voice in my head. And I’m deleting anyone who calls me a biz babe. And. I’ve deleted my own email list.

Tiara and high heels or not,

I’m just here to write and help people be awesome.

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MindsetTarryne West
Feeling overwhelmed? Time to reconsider what you're trying to do with your life.

Last night at the Inspired Woman's Book Club that I host, we got talking about motivation, energy and getting things done. Particularly, how to make time for the things that truly make us happy and push us further towards our goals, that often get neglected in the rush to get everything else finished. I think its safe to say that we have all at one point or another experienced the feeling of being overwhelmed by the day to day tasks like our day job, answering emails, paying bills on time, cooking for our family, or the one I hate the most, laundry! Its interesting that even though our very modern lifestyles are full of ways that are meant to make these things more convenient and time efficient, we seem to be more and more stressed by what we have on our plates.

There's a post floating around on Facebook that really summed it up for me that says "Beyonce has the same number of hours in a day that you do" which is true. But I can promise you that Beyonce does certain things that if you're feeling overwhelmed, you don't do. (she also has personal assistant and probably doesn't have to do her own laundry which helps!)  And anyone who has gotten good at fitting things in and balancing their schedule has mastered these tactics.

The first and most important thing is a mindset change.

Ive often heard people say "but I have to pay rent, I have to get the laundry done, I have to cook dinner" Well actually, you don't. Doing these things is a choice. Now I know you're probably thinking "well that's just stupid of course I have to do them". You could seriously not do the laundry. But you choose to because the consequences are something that you don't want to deal with. You choose to take action to avoid those consequences.

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It seems like a small shift, but when you start looking at your activities as things you CHOOSE to do rather than you HAVE to do, you take back a certain level of control. Its a step towards empowerment over what you do in your life.

Next time you write out your to do list, try writing something like "Today I have chosen to..." before each item and when you get to doing that thing, focus on that fact, and the benefit that you gain from it.

Next, you have to change how you think about your time and what you spend your time on.

What do you think your time is worth? Seriously. Think about it for a second. Did you immediately put a dollar value on it? Most people do because we are so used to thinking about time spent in terms of what we get paid by the hour for it.

Imagine for a moment that you thought about every day as one day closer to your death. Its a bit depressing at first, but I promise you I have a point.

How much time do you have left? .....you don't know. You can guess, you can hope, you can plan for a best case scenario, but really you have no idea.

When you start to think about the REAL value of your time, you realize that time is the single most important and valuable thing you will ever have. It is literally the stuff that your life is made of.

So, how are you using that time?

Prioritizing is not just about doing the most urgent things on our to do list, but also about being careful about whats on the list to begin with. Whenever people feel overwhelmed, I ask them to list everything they are trying to fit into their lives and ask them for each one

What will this add to your life? How important is that to you? 

Who are you really doing this for?

That last question in particular is a good one to ask yourself, because often stuff that we are trying to do consistently, isn't really for us.

Maybe of us feel pressured by what other people are doing, what we are told by media and society is what we should be doing. What we feel would make people think differently about us if we did. Often we are trying to do stuff because we fear the judgement of others if we don't.

How many of your To Do items start with "I really should..." Like "I really should get to the gym more often" "I really should be more social and go out for dinner with people more" "I really should learn to speak french" " I really should repaint the living room so it looks better in my Instagram pictures"

If the lists starts with "I should" rather than "I want to" then your really need to look at why you're doing something. And if its not because you REALLY want the outcome, but I mean really really really. Then cut it out and set it free. You don't really want it in your life. Find something else that you're more excited about and do that instead.

Every new opportunity or project or idea that comes my way gets carefully evaluated before I try to add it into my life. I try to ask if it will really benefit me, is it in line with my long term goals, will it make me happy, do I have time for it. and most importantly, what will I have to drop from the list to fit it in.

Once you've done all this, the rest is really quite straight forward. Find a scheduling or time management system that works for you. Just because something works for someone else doesn't mean that its going to work for everyone. Experiment a little and find the right way that fits with your lifestyle and personality.

Remember that scheduling rest and relaxation is important too, and be prepared to be flexible. Life doesn't give a damn about your schedule, so you need to be able to flow with things that come up.

Because as my mum once said to me, "You can do ANYTHING, you just cant do it all at once."

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MindsetTarryne West
Weight loss. Maybe we're fighting the wrong war.

Yesterday a client said something that's really stuck with me. We were discussing the challenges she'd had on her weight loss and health plan when she said "All I want is the freedom to just eat whatever I want and not worry" I remember that feeling. Really well. Because what she wants isn't the ability to gorge herself on burgers, the freedom shes talking about is and escape from the constant concern about food, weight, body image and confidence.

She wants to be free. To not be a hostage to how she feels about food and her weight.

Something that most people believe is the ultimate result of being thin.

And it rattled me because I know this feeling. Very well. And although my life and my relationship with my body and with food is vastly different to what it once was, that feeling sometimes still surfaces, forcing me to confront it and work through it yet again.

I started to think about how strange it is that although I'm a coach and so many of my clients struggle with those feelings but don't want to talk about them. Because we are led to believe that food and willpower are the problem. If we just eat right everything will be fine.

The reality is that whether you've suffered from an eating disorder or not, a disordered relationship with food can be a constant and overwhelming presence in your life. One that even when you have all the tools, can be difficult to resolve.

My client put it perfectly when she said "Quitting smoking was easy. But it's not like I can just stop eating! I have to remake the decision to eat well every single time there's an opportunity to put something into my mouth. And sometimes, I just need to eat everything I possibly can because I feel like I'll never get to have it again".

Someone who's never had a difficult food relationship doesn't understand the drive that has you eating an entire loaf of bread with butter, slice after slice until you can fit any more in. They don't understand being anxious around fruit loops cereal because if you have just one single loop, it will ruin everything and you'll have to fast for days on end. Both those things were absolutely real for me at one point. I remember on more than one occasion being so exhausted by the mental battle of each meal that I started to wonder if I could just give up food completely. Live on protein shakes and vitamin injections or something.

Anything to stop the insanity that I felt on a daily basis from the moment I stepped on the scale,

to when I tallied up all my eating for the day in a notebook and went to bed promising myself that tomorrow was THE DAY.

While I was thinking about writing this post, I started to think about my own journey with my difficulties with food and body image and weight, and it was startling to think that it was a regular feature in my life for almost HALF of my entire life and that it's only in the last 5 years that I began to really find clear head space away from the constant "food debates" that my mind liked to host. Only a few years of freedom from that absolutely constant presence of food on my mind, affecting everything from what I ate, wore, where I went, what I did for fun, who I hung out with...

The value I placed on myself as a person.

I sometimes wonder what else I could have accomplished in life so far if Id put the time and energy spent on freaking out about food and my body on things that were really worthwhile... and wouldn't make me feel overwhelmed, frustrated and crazy.

In my own journey, I've learned so much about nutrition, about the bodies metabolic processes, about food manufacture and production, and about how different foods affect the body and the mind. All of which has been tremendously helpful both to me and my clients, but I also know that its only a small part of the whole solution. Anyone who has difficulties with their weight or with food will tell you that no matter how much information they have, its just another system. Another plan, and other diet. It doesn't change anything.

Coaching people for weight loss made it very clear to me that my experience is not unique, because at the end of the day, so much of the issue is not about food, and trying to fix it with food is like trying to fix crumbling wall with new wallpaper. Looks good for a while, but that wall is still falling apart. There is always an underlying reason for weight issues, whether it's about an emotional difficulty with food, habitual programming or beliefs that we have developed about ourselves and what our diets or weight represents, a "weight problem" is a symptom, not the problem itself.

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I think its time that we stop accepting that a new diet, an exercise plan, the latest protein shake or will power is going to permanently change our weight or our mindsets. If you've "been there, done that" with every diet and plan on the block. Maybe its time to look a little deeper. There's a lot more to the puzzle than that and it has very little to do with whats on your plate.

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MindsetTarryne West
The importance of play
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Recently my husband bought us bicycles. Not randomly mind you, for a full year hes mentioned every couple weeks that he used to love riding his bike when he was a child and that he really wants to get bikes for us so we can spend more time outdoors and ride.

A whole year!

For most people, being able to play isn't very high on the list of priorities because we are all far too busy being grown up and doing important stuff, but downtime and play time is actually a great deal more important that people realize.

When you watch small children, their first real experiences of exploring the world and learning how everything works, from developing hand eye coordination to social skills, all of this is done though playing. And its little wonder that the most effective team building, even in a corporate environment, happens when there is genuine fun involved.

Making time for things that you enjoy is not just about having fun either. It can actually be a very important part of keeping both your mind and body healthy. Play has the triple threat effect of lowering blood pressure and stress, boosting endorphin's (happy brain hormones) and helping to widen your perspective, making challenges easier to work though. People who spend at least a couple hours a week doing something that is simply for fun tend to lower levels of anxiety, stress and feel more connected, especially if there's a social element involved.

But thats really only part of the story.

Our lives are often so busy, so rigidly scheduled, so prioritized and organized that everything we think or do or plan seems to have a very specific purpose.  Even with something as simple as biking, contains a subtle mindset shift. For instance, we do get a great workout from cycling, but thats incidental and not at all why we do it.

We do it because it fills us with simple joy.

What if we did things literally for fun. For the joy of the moment. What if, for just a while we set aside the guilt over not being productive and goal orientated, and actually just did something that feels good, that makes you smile.

And so back to the bikes.

It was such an amazing feeling to go zooming around the trails like I was 10 again, with the wind in my hair and my legs peddling as fast as they could. Its hard not to find yourself grinning and giggling when you're doing your own little mini bike tour. Of course, being in Texas meant there was plenty to see too. On our first trip out we saw a bob cat and an armadillo (they are the CUTEST THINGS) not to mention we got to race with butterflies who are all out due to the spring weather. It makes for a lovely way to spend an afternoon!

What do you do for fun?

LifestyleTarryne West
Not my circus.
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About a year ago I came across the charming expression "not my circus, not my monkeys". Not only is it a hilarious visual (yes, go on, imagine the people who frustrate you as being monkeys dressed like clowns...) but its so incredibly profound. At its essence is this.... Other people are not your problem.  Its that simple.

Often in life we find ourselves being the ringmaster in what feels like a circus, particularly when there are people around you, who for whatever reason are difficult to deal with. Whether its the one who never has anything nice to say and loves to bring others down, the one who is always a victim of some or other drama... or maybe the one who just likes to create the drama.

These people are not your problem.

What I mean by that, is that whatever is causing them to behave in the manner that they do, is not about you. And its not your responsibility to fix that.

This often comes up when I'm coaching people on dealing with negativity or toxic people in their lives, because its something that we all face, and too often we get totally wrapped up in the issue created by those people and in getting angry that they wont change or do things the way we think they need to be done.  There are people in my own life who are very difficult to deal with, and I have days where I want to shake them and ask them what the hell their problem is, but, as you'll know if you've ever confronted someone like that about their behavior, it only makes the situation worse and fuels the drama that comes with them.

The best way to deal with difficult people, is essentially to have compassion for them. To recognize that whatever is driving their behavior is most likely quite painful and its all part of a defense mechanism. Happy, confident people are drama llamas!

But, and here comes the BIG BUT...

That is not your issue to deal with, and their behavior actually has nothing to do with you.

So next time you're finding yourself on the verge of losing it with someone, getting upset over their behavior or trying to change them, remember. That is not your circus.

Those are not your monkeys to train.

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MindsetTarryne West
On authenticity and nobody liking me.
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I watched this video last week that had me laughing hysterically for about 20 minutes. Ok, I lie I didn’t just watch it once, I watched it about 5 times in a row. It’s hilarious, and at the point where she starts waving her hands around going “why does nobody like me? Why does nobody think I’m pretty? Why does nobody like the things that I like?" I pretty much lose it.  (warning language)

Thing is, I have had moments where I’ve looked at myself, and at my life or work, and thought pretty much the same thing. Especially when its so easy to look at someone more successful than you and start making negative comparisons. Even with my Facebook page, particularly when I first started out, I was guilty of looking at other people’s pages who are a million times bigger than mine and thinking to myself. “why does nobody liiiiiike me?” And sometimes there’s a tiny voice who whispers in a nasty way “if you were more like that other person then more people would pay attention to you”. Sometimes it’s really hard to trust that who you are will be good enough to get you where you want to go.  And I proved it to myself too when I started following advice from from bigger and more successful pages, and as a result, my page lost its uniqueness.

This is something that we have all done at one point or another, taken on aspects of something or someone else in the hope that it will make us more popular, more successful, or more loved. I know from my own experience that when I’ve done that it’s turned out to be a complete disaster. And I’ve watched so many other people work their way into huge and unhappy messes by doing the same.

Trying to take other peoples uniqueness and copy it, is like turning yourself into a cheap designer knock off. It may look the same, but it’s never going to be the same. And I started to wonder at one point, if I'm not being myself, then how can I say people like me anyway... they don't even know me!

The problem is that by changing who you are to fit an idea that you have of what people want you to be, you lose something really vital.

You lose sight of that magic thing that people are drawn to.

Your authentic self.

A couple years ago I was preparing to sing something at a competition, and I was worried that it was going to be a disaster because it was a song that has been done to death, when my coach said to me “Yes, they have heard it a million times, but they have never hear it sung by YOU”. She didn’t mean that my version was particularly exceptional or different, but it was mine. My interpretation, my voice, my spirit. The same is true of my blog and my work. there are hundreds of thousands of blogger and coaches out there, but there is only one who is me.

It doesn’t matter how many other people do the same thing that we do, or have the same goals, interests, hobbies, profession etc. What makes us remarkable is that little bit of something special that no one else can copy, and it’s that little something that draws people in.

The more genuine you are, the more people genuinely respond to you. And who you really are IS what is so incredible about you.

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MindsetTarryne West
Life lessons from shoe shopping.

Last weekend my husband and I went boot shopping. Not just any boots mind you, he wanted to get me actual leather cowboy boots as part of my integration into Texas. It was an interesting experience because generally I like to go shopping alone. I have a very strong sense of my own style and while I don't shop often, when I do I like to take my time and make sure that I really love what I'm buying because I am not into waste or buying things simply for the sake of having more.

Which brings me back to my cowboy boots.

When we set out I had a clear idea of what I wanted in my shoes. Apart from well made and comfortable, I was after a particular look and style with a level of simplicity that suits me, which means that I tried on probably 10 pairs of boots before finding the ones I really liked.

Funny thing is that after I had finally chosen the ones I wanted, my husband informed me that the sales assistants at one of the places we had tried shoes on, had been gossiping about me and calling me picky. (in Spanish which I dont speak, but he does!)

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I had to laugh! Its not the first time Ive been called picky, but it really doesn't bother me, because being picky is actually a part of a deeply held value that I have.

One of the lessons that I learned from a Tony Robbins book some years ago was, Raise Your Standards, and its something I strive to do in every aspect of my life that I can.

What sort of message do you think it would send to my sense of self worth to have just bought any old pair of shoes simply because people were pressuring me to hurry up? What do I say to myself if I'm willing to accept less than what makes me happy and suits me?

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I don't settle for less than what I really want in any other aspect of my life, whether its my work, my education or even my friendships, so why would I settle for less when it comes to shoes? And to me, it doesn't make sense to spend my money on things that I'm not 100% happy with.

So yes. I'm picky, but I also believe that I deserve to have what I really want in life and not settle for second best or just good enough.

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MindsetTarryne West
Beauty, tattoos and getting old
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Recently my 16 year old step daughter started talking constantly about wanting a tattoo, and to illustrate her seriousness began drawing it on her arm in pen, eyeliner, sharpie... whatever she could find that was water proof. And honestly, its been bugging the hell out of me!

I don't have an issue with tattoos. I don't have any myself, though Ive considered it a couple times, and my husband has several. I have seen many tattoos that I think are very beautiful works of art, and

I believe in the idea of "your body, your rules"

So is taken me a while to get to the bottom of why Ive been reacting so negatively to her getting one.

The tattoo that she wants is the word "Beautiful" written in Japanese characters.

Beautiful.

The idea that she wants to somehow establish her identity as "beautiful" permanently in ink made me think about my own looks and my changing relationship with my own sense of beauty, which is at an interesting juncture at the moment. As I'm getting older the way I look is changing and I don't have the same kind of beauty I did as a girl, and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't had moments where I feel a little sad about losing that very easy attractiveness of youth.

But its once again made me realize just how much my beauty is not actually a part of me. It doesn't really even belong to me.  The way I look is an accident of genetics, and it wont last.

The way I look is not who I am.

I found myself wondering who I would be if I took away the way I look, and what I'm going to be like when I'm much much older, totally unrecognizable from the way I look now. I plan to be a wonderfully eccentric, outspoken woman with three lap dogs, interesting art on every wall, great stories of my life and travels and a penchant for too many mojitos. And I plan to have a wealth of life and exploration and endless curiosity till the end. Which brings me to my point.

Why is our "beauty" even relevant?

Its fleeting. Temporary. Its not WHO we are.

The reason my step daughters tattoo choice bothers me so much is because she is SO much more than just beautiful. She is courageous, strong, creative, selfless, fiercely protective of her loved ones and very intelligent.

I would much rather she tattoo all of those amazing attributes on every inch of her skin, than focus on the only one that is meaningless.

BeautyTarryne West
Learning to fly

How long will it take me to learn to fly? This is a question I remember considering when I was about 9 or 10 years old, and I don’t mean flying an aircraft. I mean crazy magical levitation using the power of my mind.

Yes, I was an interesting child... but the question is one that I very seriously thought about and the fact that I asked it is really important.

I remember talking to friends of mine about a tv show I had watched featuring a magician who claimed to be able to levitate, something that I thought was a brilliant idea and I wanted to be able to do it too. But when my friends said that it wasn’t possible, my response wasn’t to give up and decide they were right. My response was to set about doing it because I believed I could do anything.

The question I asked myself wasn’t “Can I do this?” but instead “How long will it take me to do this”.

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I had no idea how the magician did it, I had no idea where to even start if I wanted to be able to do the same thing, but I automatically assumed that I was capable of doing anything, it was just a matter of time and effort.

That same mentality has created some pretty amazing opportunities in my life so far because I seldom stop to ask if something is possible, for the most part, I assume it is and I recognize that often my ONLY obstacle is not yet knowing how. And with determination and resilience,

I believe that we can learn how to do pretty much anything we put our minds to.

Yesterday I was thinking about the way in which we make our opportunities smaller by believing that there are some things we cant do, or will never be able to do, and I was wondering about that absolute belief that we have as children about what is possible. I wondered when we lose that amazing belief because I don’t think it's about being naive or not knowing what’s possible or not, I think it's about being open to possibility, even crazy possibility.

But being open to believing that anything is possible means that you’re often finding ways to MAKE things possible.

Oh, and I never did learn to fly, I got distracted by a new mission not long after. I decided that I was going to catch fairies instead.

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UncategorizedTarryne West
On forgetting to be thankful

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude as my first experience of Thanksgiving approaches, and it’s been interesting as I’ve discovered that its actually really hard to write about being grateful without using lots of overused buzz words that make people roll their eyes! But I write this from my desk, on my laptop, in my home with a cup of coffee in my hand and my tiny dog sleeping in my lap. It’s a good life.

Seriously.

And while that does seem all warm and fluffy, I have to tell you that it’s taken me half a day and several rewrites to be able to be able to express my thoughts on gratitude. What I have realized in that time is that I am actually a lot better off than I realize and that I don’t stop to be thankful nearly often enough. In fact,

I’m feeling a little bit like a teenager who's always going “I want more!”

The biggest issue with being involved in the personal development field is that I’m always looking for ways to improve. Every single day the question I answer before I go to bed is “what can I do better tomorrow”, which if you’re interested is an AWESOME way to kick your results into high gear, but it also has the unintended consequence of rendering everything you did the day before as “not good enough”. And if you are like me and have goals and ambitions, sometimes the space in between here and THERE is a land of “things that are not what I want them to be”. Which breeds frustration and as I learned this morning, a lack of gratitude.

The reality is that even if my life never changed from what it is right now, it’s a good life. I have all the basics (a roof over my head, income, a family) and many many non essentials that I’ve grown so used to that I tend to take them for granted. Which is deeply ironic at a time when we are working on teaching my step daughter to have a sense of gratitude for the many privileges that she has.

So yes, I’m feeling a little like a teenager myself today!

Gratitude is not settling for what you have now, but it IS about recognizing that what you have is good. It’s a way of shifting your focus from what you don’t yet have, the struggles and frustrations that you may experience and in a way, almost fortifies you against life’s difficulties.

A few years ago I participated in a movement that a friend started called Three Good Things, which was literally about just writing three good things about every day. And its funny that since I stopped doing that, I’ve found that I’ve lost some of the benefits of focusing on the good in our lives. And there is plenty of good solid psychological research out there to show you that being grateful is good, so don’t just take my word for it! Google is your friend!

Because gratitude creates a mindset change, it helps you to see more good than bad in your life. It also keeps you grounded in the here and now. It’s a lot harder to worry about the future when you’re focused on what good things you have now.

Being grateful stops negative emotions like jealousy or regret from stealing your attention.

Because you can’t do both at the same time!

And most importantly, gratitude reminds us that we are not alone. Being grateful means recognizing that there is an element of luck and of other peoples input into our lives, it reminds us how important the support and love of those around us is to our happiness and success. Which makes it a deeply spiritual practice too. My mum likes to say “there but for the grace of God go I” which basically means, you’re a lucky lucky fish and it could be so much worse!

And if all those things are not a good enough reason to be thankful.... there’s always pumpkin pie!

MindsetTarryne West
The magic ingredient in success

I wanted to quickly share something that I was reminded of yet again today (because clearly I don't remember it often enough!) When you're deeply passionate about what you do and its aligned with who you are, something magical happens and progress just flows.

I spoke this morning to a large group of college students about the importance of personal development and a growth mindset and after the first couple minutes I abandoned my speech plan and my notes and just followed my instincts.

And it was incredible. Far greater than I had planned for. It was an hour of pure brilliant magic.

Trust yourself. You know what you're doing, you're the right person to do it, and your passion will carry you to success.

MindsetTarryne West
Comfort is self sabotage

I recently went to gym with someone who has never done any weight training before. It was both amusing and eye opening to watch her set the machine at the lowest possible weight and proceed to do around 60 repetitions of a shoulder press before declaring, “Well that’s not difficult at all. What’s next?”

On the next machine I explained that the idea was to select a weight that was challenging but still achievable. After doing a single set of around 10, she decided that she preferred her way and that it was way too hard to push herself to lift a heavier weight.

“It’s hard, and I know that I’ll be sore later, so why bother?”

A feeling I know all too well.

Why indeed?

If you want a different life, you have to
If you want a different life, you have to

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of, “Why bother when it’s hard?” My husband firmly believes that one of the great “illnesses” of our modern age is that we strive to be comfortable at all times. Which may seem extreme, but when you look around at just some of the conveniences we’ve created in our resistance to anything painful, difficult, inconvenient or uncomfortable, you start to realize just how far we will go to make things easy for ourselves.

Having lived in the United States for some months now, I’ve been regularly stunned at the many ways in which I would be able to avoid doing anything that requires effort or discomfort. From drive through everything (including banks, pharmacies and coffee shops) to little carts at the supermarket that you can ride on so you don’t have to walk. Or why bother with the supermarket at all, when there’s online, delivered grocery shopping. And our culture too, the requirements for human interaction grow increasingly strong on the side of avoiding any and all discomfort.

We don’t like difficult discussions or rocking the boat, and why bother, when we can simply opt out of the tough stuff.

This reluctance to leave our comfort zone is also the reason that industries selling magic bullets (like the diet industry for example) are so unbelievably successful. The idea of getting the results you want without having to endure the discomfort of actually changing your diet? Winner! It preys on our instinctive desire to avoid pain.

But what do we gain from being bubble wrapped in an existence that seeks to make our lives as pain-free as possible? Are we really better off? When did we become so scared of change, difficulty, a challenge?

Personally, I like to think of comfort zones as “resting” zones, a pause to take a breath in between periods of effort and growth. Which I think is important as development can be hard work and often emotionally very taxing. Sometimes it’s nice to just relax and admire how far you’ve come. Like my friend discovered when we were lifting weights, it’s easier and requires less effort to stay within the boundaries of what she could already do, but without raising her weights and facing her unease with feeling physical discomfort, that boundary will never ever move.

Taking a close and honest look at your beliefs or behaviors, admitting to self-sabotage, changing your routines or making real progress towards your dreams is not easy. It can be very uncomfortable. These things are well beyond the safe little bubbles that we are taught to hide in from a young age. It’s one of the reasons why despite the fact that my work and writings as a coach can literally change lives, my most widely read article ever is a review for mascara that I wrote as a freelancer some years ago.

Because it’s easier to make superficial tweaks, to distract ourselves with comfortable pleasures, than it is to truly challenge ourselves.

To push ourselves straight out of the restrictive bubble and widen our life experiences.

Think about your life for a moment. Think about the things that you want to achieve? The experiences you wish to have. The things you avoid or put off doing.

Now ask yourself this… Who would you be if you let go of always being comfortable?

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MindsetTarryne West
The problem with coaches

I came across a really interesting article this morning written by a coach blasting other coaches about their way of selling their lifestyles and how they direct their clients.

On the one hand, I absolutely agree that coaches should be authentic and transparent, and on the other, I don’t think it’s any of his business to tell other coaches how to deal with their practices and clients. If those coaches are running their business from the beach and living out their dreams that happen to include lots of yoga and Paris, who is he to say that it’s wrong?

I thought that it might be a good opportunity to tell you that my life is perfect. I don’t spend my day at the beach, or even at the pool at my house (I keep thinking it might be fun, but the glare on my laptop would be dreadful!). I don’t fly to Paris, I don’t live on green smoothies (I do like them though!) and while I do yoga and go to the gym almost every day, I do not have a “yoga body,” and I’m not interested in having one.

Because that is just not me, If it were. I can guarantee you that I would be sitting on the beach with my super toned yoga arms, laptop and a mojito right now.

I have a loving, brilliant, crazy husband and a wonderful step daughter. I have strong family connections, an amazing network of friends who are diverse, intelligent and interesting in their own rights, and I have the world’s cutest dog. I’m fortunate enough to have traveled extensively. I own more books than I care to count. I have been privileged in my career to work with some remarkable people who inspire me. I’ve lived in three totally different countries, and despite all this, which IS “Instagram perfect” (if I could remember to take pictures of it all) it’s about balance and I spend my days much like any other working person.

I get up, I work out, I make sure my home is cared for and my family looked after. Then I settle down at my desk.

My work day which can last anything from four hours to 12, to create work with the intention of changing people’s lives.

Whether I’m writing, connecting with people, in coaching sessions, or even just putting together Facebook memes that make people think, this is what I love to do.

Is any of that day to day stuff interesting enough to share on social media? Doubt it. I don’t think anyone wants to see pictures of me doing research or managing my website. It’s really not very inspiring, and it’s certainly not going to drive traffic to my website.

However, I’m good at what I do and I’m organized, and my experiences and my qualification in coaching has allowed me to create a life that MAKES ME HAPPY. Sure there are things that I’m still working on. I have goals and ambitions like anyone else. But they are mine. And that is what my “followers” do find inspiring.

The fact that my life is not “Instagram perfect” is completely irrelevant. And being that way does not make it more real, or more valid or more acceptable than a life that IS Instagram perfect.

My life is not somehow morally superior because someone else sees it as more “real’ than another.

However, I would call my life pretty perfect, because what the author of that article is forgetting, is that it’s not up to us to decide what other people’s lives and successes should look like. Our job, as coaches, is to help people define what they really want, then support them as they go out and make it happen. We don’t get to decide or dictate what success is. Not for our clients, and certainly not for other coaches who’s ideal audience is likely to be completely different to our own. If a client wants the lifestyle that they see a coach having, who are we to say “no, you can’t have that because I don’t think it’s real.” I call myself the “real life, life coach” because what I deal with is peoples individual realities. Their personal real. Whatever that is, whatever it looks like.

If you, as a coach, are telling your clients what their life should look like, you’re not coaching. And if you have a coach that’s trying to mold your life into their version of perfect. Run.

One of my own very deeply held values, is freedom from dictates on whom and what I should be. Therefore, I encourage my clients and my readers to question and challenge all social and internal “rules” in the same way. If my client’s goal is to be a size two and live on the beach, and we discover that it will for whatever reason make them genuinely happy. Then that is what we are going to achieve. So I’d like to challenge what the author of this article is saying, which is essentially…

Your goals and lifestyle don’t look “enlightened enough” to me to be real or worth pursuing.

Which in my opinion is none of his business.

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MindsetTarryne West
On redefining success.

Today I found myself thinking about success and fear and what they mean to me now vs what they used to mean.

When I was about 12 I realized that I could sing, and not just like “I have a nice voice” sing, but a “with some work I could be a major opera singer” kind of sing.This idea of myself as a professional opera singer formed my whole self-identity for most of my teens and a significant part of my 20s. I always felt like my “success” was just round the corner. Any day now I would be a professional performer and my life would officially start. Problem was I spent the better part of 10 years waiting for my life to start because life is only “real” when you’ve made it right?

The interesting thing about pushing for a vision of success that you don’t really buy into on a deeper level, is that you sabotage the hell out of yourself!

The reality is, I love to sing and I love opera. Here’s the catch though, I hate performing and more than that, I always felt like I was fighting to maintain the idea of being a professional singer, rather than being one. When I look back now and see the millions of ways that I sabotaged myself because I didn’t feel like I fit the model of success, it’s actually quite hilarious. I didn’t feel successful, so I made damn sure that I would never be successful. After all, you’re never going to make it if you keep dropping out of shows and not turning up to auditions!

Plus I only really have one sad expression. And too many sad songs!

As I’ve written about before, I’m glad that I never managed to become successful as a singer. Failing at that allowed me to follow a much deeper and more real (for me) dream. But when I first started coaching, I still dragged a lot of those beliefs about success with me.

One of my biggest struggles as a coach has been feeling like my work is good enough, because often I don’t match other people’s idea of success.

To show you how ridiculous this is, Consider my background as a coach.

  • I self coached my way out of serious depression and anxiety, before I had ever heard about emotional intelligence or coaching.
  • I started my blog having zero understanding of how it works and having no idea of what I was doing.
  • I had no money when I started for training! Seriously. I begged and borrowed training material, spent countless hours in libraries and online learning everything I could get my hands on. And I lucked out when a friend of mine who is a psychologist gave me all his university texts books so I could continue learning with his help. Then finally I ended up getting a university qualification with a straight A+ average.
  • I learned how to use WordPress, Facebook, PayPal, membership platforms, mail chimp, survey monkey and even InDesign (and I’m technologically challenged so these are a big deal for me!)
  • I’ve run self development workshops for anything from 2 -30 people at a time.
  • I’ve singlehandedly run my practice for 4 years.
  • And then I started self publishing books.
  • Oh, and then there’s the little matter of the hundreds (thousands if you add in my blog and FB page) of people who have been positively impacted by my work.

Yeah. Little ol me. I am a damn good coach and I worked my butt off to find ways to get to where I am now, so take a moment to consider that list, and then laugh with me as I tell you that I still have days where I don’t feel like I’m successful (and there are even drama queen days where I feel like a failure) because I’m still working on some of my goals, or because I don’t feel like I “look” successful. After all, I’m not Oprah or Tony Robbins yet.

Go on, laugh.

You should be laughing, it’s absurd.

Here’s the thing though, we live in a society that constantly preys on and encourages our fears, and teaches us that the end game is the only thing that counts. Whether the measure of success is the size of your bank account or your ass… If its someone else s measure of success that you don’t genuinely believe in, on a deep and value based level, then striving for it comes from a place of fear. But more that that, because we focus so constantly on the end result, all the time that is spent in that “Not ideal yet” space, is perceived as failure.

We need to change the conversation about success, we need to start evaluating why we are striving for a particular and narrow version of success. We need to question who we are trying to be successful for. And we need first to gain real clarity on what would truly make us feel successful, and go after that with passion and tenacity.

And enjoy the ride. After all, you don’t feel like a failure when you’re on a road trip and haven’t yet reached your destination do you?

 

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UncategorizedTarryne West
When things get tough, keep going.

This week, the universe told me twice to suck it up and keep going. Well, it’s not like it emailed me! But, the theme was pretty obvious: You have to stick with it when it gets tough.

It was one of those weeks where nothing seemed to go right, and everything seemed like it was just hard work and a struggle. It’s been a tough busy week where I’ve started to feel like I’m running out of steam.Thankfully, the messages have been clear.

On Tuesday morning I went to an early yoga class with a friend where at some point the instructor said (in her very gentle yoga guru type voice)

“It’s when it gets hard, and you want to come out of the pose, that the REAL practice begins”

I was so struck by what she said that I actually rested for a moment and let it sink in. It seemed so simple but incredibly valuable! Being good at something, keeping your life balanced, dealing with everyday stress… all of these things are easy when it’s within your current capability. It’s when it gets hard and you want to walk away, THAT is when you have to use what you’ve learned to keep your mindset, you emotions and you actions on the right path for your goals.

The second time was funny enough also while doing something physical. At my normal training session with the girls on Friday morning, our adorable personal trainer laughed when complaints about how hard the session was started coming up. He told us;

“It never gets easier, you just get better”

Sucks to hear it, but the only way that you keep improving is if you keep pushing yourself. Sure, we could have gone back to a training session that we did 6 weeks ago and it would have been easier for us, but that would have achieved nothing.

So, if things seem really tough for you at the moment, and you feel like you’re struggling…

Congratulations, you’re fighting your way through and getting better every step of the way. Just keep going.

MindsetTarryne West